Then and Now

“I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.”
― Marguerite Duras 

I can no longer recall how you looked at me the last time we were together. It’s faded along with the idea of you.

I comfort myself not understanding why I did what I did because you always felt so real.

I should be seeing things more clearly by now. It’s been years.

Instead, I try to hold on to that time in my head when we couldn’t trust each other any more, because even while we couldn’t we still talked. And now, you won’t talk to me. You won’t come see me like you used to.

I can no longer gauge your emotions when I call you.

I wonder if you ever really forgave me for letting you think that I didn’t feel as strongly about you as you did about me.

I loved you from the very beginning because not loving you wasn’t an option. 

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