LOUD PUBLICIST.

This… is NOT a cry for help.

This is me trying to put my state of mind, the ‘monstrosity’ that’s been growing inside my head for some time, into words.

This is me looking for ‘hope’.

Is anyone else working real hard, each day, to stay afloat? More so than others. In secret. Afraid of being snubbed or dismissed for not having enough reason to be feeling this way.

Working hard just to get by each day with a little less pain and pressure from the way your brain hurts inside your skull? From the way your brain seems to be pushing up inside your skull one day as if trying to get out of its ‘straight jacket’ and the next squeezing/shrinking. Even though it hurts, it’s not a ‘real’ headache though, is it?

And, although tears flow more freely and frequently down your face now more than they ever did before, without much provocation from your surroundings. Yet you’re unable to connect the way you feel to these recurring episodes of you becoming a silent yet blubbering mess. Because you actually feel numb for all intents and purposes.

You care about way too much and yet you can’t seem to care about most things. Can you too not explain to people around you why you just couldn’t do the basic task that was expected of you even if you may be really good at what you do?

Does that bother you – your inability to do things you used to enjoy, you used to be known to excel in, you could perform without a second thought?

Are you feeling as guilty over being ‘ungrateful’ when there’s so much more happening around you?

*If you know me personally and are reading this, please don’t approach me on this unless I open up to you myself about this. Please.